Warning!

Bow building and archery are extremely fun … I mean dangerous (DANGER!!!). Please observe all imaginable safety precautions before getting out of bed and attempting anything. Not that we’re suggesting you get out of bed, stay in it, or perform any unsafe practice.

The following is merely a partial list of precautions, warnings, safety tips, and preventative advice. It is only partial. If you know of additional tips, please enter them in a comment. If deemed safe, they will be added to this list with some sort of acknowledgement.

Be aware that assiduously adhering to these and all safety precautions is no guarantee of safety. The guidelines below are placed here to inform and annoy. And remember, the more time you spend reading safety instructions, the less time you’ll have to do something dangerous.

Never stare directly into the sun.
Shave very carefully between meals.
Do not repair gas-powered engines while swimming upside down.
Always proceed with caution.
Do not release¬†deadly toxins in to the atmosphere “just to see what happens”.
Don’t touch that!
Smoke in approved areas only.
Keep in upright position.
Don’t shoot what you don’t intend to hit.
Keep your eyes on the road and your hands upon the wheel. (h/t Jim Morrison)
Remain calm while tillering.
Never cut off your oxygen supply.

ladder warning2
Avoid heavy falling objects.

Always wear safety goggles.
Always wear heavy rubber gloves.
Always wear a protective codpiece when operating a table saw.
Unplug bandsaw before hugging it.
Never shower with a charging rhinoceros.
Use sparingly.
Wear a helmet.
Wear two helmets.
Wear three helmets.
Never allow yourself to be duct taped to an airplane propeller.
Your lawnmower is not intended to be used to make smoothies.
Keep hammers away from your face.
Don’t suck too hard on that straw!
Sit back at least 500 yards from the television screen.
Tie your shoes.

carbon arrow safety sheet
Don’t use carbon arrows; you could put out an eye.
Don’t use pointy things; you could put out a navel.
Don’t use sticks or stick-like objects.

warning sheet disposed of
Properly and cautiously dispose of all material that may cause paper cuts.

If you must go outside, coat your skin in SP 30 and wear a floppy hat.
Do not place your hand on the tornado.
Buckle up: It’s the law.
Look both ways before crossing your eyes.
Sit still, back straight, feet flat on the ground.
Serve from the left, clear from the right.
Don’t play with matches.
Optimize for search engines.

steamer warning

Do not sit on unit.
Do not leave children unattended.

bucket warning

Discard all implements prior to use.
Call a doctor.
Do not lick spinning table saw blades.
Stop picking at that!
Don’t leave home without it.
Do not jump naked from a 10-story building.
Avoid falling trees.
Eggs are healthy. No they’re not. Yes they are.
Shovel responsibly.
Eat your greens.

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